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 | "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving
infant"s life, she will choose to save the infant"s life without even
considering if there is a man on base." | |
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Found in the topic Baseball.
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| "Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that
corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only
because they cannot actually masturbate." | |
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Found in the topic Masturbation.
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| "What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by
death." | |
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Found in the topic Maturity.
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| "Most married couples, even though they love each other very much in
theory, tend to view each other in practice as large teeming flaw
colonies, the result being that they get on each other"s nerves and
regularly erupt into vicious emotional shouting match" | |
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Found in the topic Marriage.
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| "The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these
toll-free information hot lines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a
dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly. If you ask them a real
tax question, such as how you can cheat, they?re useless. So, for
guidance, you want to look to big business. Big business never pays a
nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer
organization that never pays a nickel in taxes...." | |
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Found in the topic Unsorted.
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| "Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the
car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing
right in your ear." | |
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Found in the topic Dog.
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| "Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years
and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of
the worst movies in the history of the world." | |
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Found in the topic Movies.
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| "Gravity is a contributing factor in 73 percent of all accidents
involving falling objects." | |
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Found in the topic Accidents.
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| "I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,
including: * Both of your socks should always be the same color, * Or they
should at least both be fairly dark." | |
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Found in the topic Clothes.
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| "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight
Protestants, today it?s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing." | |
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Found in the topic Golf.
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| "Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but
television"s message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and
world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers
whiter teeth and fresher breath." | |
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Found in the topic Television.
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| "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
infant"s life, she will choose to save the infant"s life without even
considering there are men on base." | |
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Found in the topic Woe.
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| "Edison?s greatest achievement came in 1879, when he invented the
electric company. Edison?s design was a brilliant adaptation of the simple
electrical circuit: the electric company sends electricity through a wire
to a customer, then immediately gets the electricity back through another
wire, then (this is the brilliant part) sends it right back to the
customer again. This means that an electric company can sell a customer
the same batch of electricity thousands of times a day and never get
caught...the last year any new electricity was generated in the United
States was 1937; the electric companies have been merely re-selling it
ever since, which is why they have so much free time to apply for rate
increases." | |
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Found in the topic Company.
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| "I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an
argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer
clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they
don?t even invite me." | |
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Found in the topic Against.
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| "American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective
employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for
employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference
between the men?s room and the women?s room without having little pictures
on the doors." | |
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Found in the topic Work.
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